I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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