Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
