I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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