I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
