just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
