What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
