I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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