hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
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Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
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He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You were trust falling into bushes
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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