an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
