So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We talked him into tasing himself.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
