i love accidental penises.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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