I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
