if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
