Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
