I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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