Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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