is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
