Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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