Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
