Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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