he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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