what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I forget how to act sober
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