I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
