just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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