dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
