You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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