ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
