Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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