thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
