I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just had sex on a roof
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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