Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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