Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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