"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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