dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
