Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
