so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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