i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
