There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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