She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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