what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
