I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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