who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
there is glitter all over my balls
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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