nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
