It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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