You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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