if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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