my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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