you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
