i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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