dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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