tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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