i barfeds in our rink
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize