dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
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I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
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Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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