you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I pour the whiskey from now on
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