Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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