just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
