no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
