I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
