How'd it feel making her break her religion?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
