Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
