i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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