the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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