She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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