she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
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With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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