The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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