was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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