jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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