How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
