we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
