Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
