I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
