We won't sleep together?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
