you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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