Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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