Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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