I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
