why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
