You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
