My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
