Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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