i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
