i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
