I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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