Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
