And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
