A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
