Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
