Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
