as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
FUCK WHALES
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